All the articles available on the website are for my portfolio. They are to show that I worked over months and years but, the article that I am writing is just a journal.
I never thought I would write like this but here I am. I have turned a new number this day. I am some years older but it feels like I have seen enough. I still don’t know anything about this world how it works but one thing I have realized is that its totally meaningless, the more you question stuff the more you realize there is no meaning and even if there is meaning humans don’t have the capability to reach that level atleast i as a human do not.
I have some confessions to make too
- I never lived my childhood like a child, I cry when somebody tells some stupid silly anecdote about their childhood and all I remember is being responsible, busy and how I felt guilt if a tiny sliver of mistake I made. I hate that I was responsible I dont want to be..
- I always thought that if I was nice to people they would be nice too but now I know nice people are nice, medium people are medium, selfish people are selfish thats it.
- I have been stupid for over 14 years now. Guess…since when I am lost
- I have lied a lot, unnecessarily because I wanted people to think of me a certain way.
- I hate myself for not being me for most of my life.
- I start things because I believe in myself and I loose because of myself only.
- I hate myself for downplaying myself most of the time so that people feel comfortable
- I have a lot of interest in Astrology I think I might pursue it.
- I don’t have the capability to get hurt now…I am truly tired of getting hurt. This emotion is just like barking and I am the dog (How often do I bark?)
- I want to live alone never marry and just have nobody to wait for me.
- Everything I said above is a confession but just like life this is also meaningless
Effort, emotions, movies?
Guest what?
Still meaningless
I want to turn to myself this new year and never look back.
